Day 18- THROBBING

Last night I fell asleep at 6pm, woke up briefly from 9-9:30pm and woke up for good at 10am this morning. I think that is something to brag about. The drawback: I woke up with a horrific throbbing in my tooth that has been bothering me on and off for 2 months. I'd never had consistent pain, it has been mostly reactive pain from hot/cold things.

By John's urging, I called a dentist right next to his building and went in an hour later. He checked it out and said I had a pretty large cavity and that he would need to take an x-ray. This, of course, wasn't ideal but I also knew that the pain would only get worse if I didn't take action. So he took an x-ray and it turns out that the cavity was extremely close to my nerve; had I waited much longer I would've needed a root canal.

He numbed me and went to work. I was so tense through the whole procedure and when it was finally over I felt awful. My head was pounding and I was STARVING- I didn't eat before the appointment! So we went over to John's and I basically force-fed myself.

It is now 7pm and I am ready for bed. It's pathetic. I am really glad that my tooth is taken care of. One less thing to worry! So I think I really am going to go to bed. I have no idea how I am going to last through the Halloween party my house is throwing tomorrow night. I'll probably be passed out before the first guests even arrive. Good grief.

never quite as it seems cause you're a dream to me

tai woke up a few minutes ago and started in with "i was driving and our son was in the passenger seat next to me and he was 1 and a half and my mom was in the back seat" -- basically we've reached an understanding that the minute she wakes up from a sequence of dreams she is going to retell them all from start to finish and there's no ambiguity that she might be relating an anecdote of something that actually happened the previous day, these are all dreams -- so our son was in the passenger seat and he said that he hurt his knee and she asked if he wanted a kiss on the nose and he said yes, and the whole time she was doing the voice of our son the toddler and it was so unbelievably cute and now i can't wait until i get to meet our baby in one of MY dreams

Day 17 - Prunes

Yep. I'm constipated. I told John about it this morning and he just came back from Safeway with 1) Bag of prunes 2) Large jug of prune juice 3)Trail mix with prunes in it and 4) Prune baby food.

I think he loves me and my colon a lot.

While we were in Vancouver, he found this and gave it to me:


Lots of deadlines as my trip to Morocco and Spain is exactly a week away. It's so incredible that this THING that I've been talking about and planning for so long is finally coming to fruition and in just 20 days it will be behind me. My itinerary is Nov.5-Nov 15 Moroccan Delegation with work (Center for Women & Democracy) and then Nov 15- Nov 20 traveling from central Morocco to Tangier, across the Strait of Gibraltar and exploration through Spain. Nov 20th I'll arrive at JFK and spend the next week with Mom and Tim and whoever else for Thanksgiving. By that time I'll be nearly 11 weeks pregnant.

Today I received some of my lab results back which puts me in good health. I haven't been feeling nauseous at all, possibly because I am taking B6 vitamins on and off. I'm still waiting on a few results and I'll be able to go to UW Med Center when I come back to get genetic testing done, free of charge, which is very cool. If anything abnormal comes back, then John will be tested to see if we're at high risk for any genetic diseases. Oh I also found out my blood type- O+! That's exciting to me!

I've been listening to the Grateful Dead all morning and been fairly productive with work stuff. Last Halloween party before I have children on Saturday. Ronda thinks I should dress up as "Worst Mother Ever" with beer and fake cigarette in hand, raggedy clothes and crazy hair. I'm a little bit too worried that one day this child will see the picture and either a) get really concerned or b) yell at me saying something to the effect of "SEE, EVEN THEN YOU KNEW YOU WERE GOING TO BE THE WORST MOTHER EVER!" So, I don't know about that.

I am also slowly sloughing off extra commitments that I know I won't want to deal with in 9 months. This feel pretty good- every thing I eliminate makes me feel liberated to do things that I actually enjoy doing OR things that I know are good for my health.

All in all, everything is fine today. I'm going to eat another serving of prunes and I'll probably have to put one of those Lampshade collars they have for itchy dogs around my waist to protect against any unexpected explosions.

happy anniversary Tai

false alarm.

Tai asked me earlier "one year ago would you have guessed that you'd be right here?" My response "I had a notion."

Conveniently enough, I checked the logs after that mini-convo and it turns out that our gchat history begins on October 27th 2008. Prior to that I had kept her up late a couple of nights on Facebook chat and was getting really sore from the interface, so I finally convinced her to be my gchat buddy on 10/27. I wouldn't say that it got off to the most auspicious beginning, but I remember how after a few days my heart would start racing whenever I'd see tai.e.d... and I'd always engage her to talk about something. Eventually (I was staying with my parents in California for a few weeks at the time) we knew that there was some real excitement building up for us to see each other again, and I got on a train back up to Seattle, and I took a cab from the train station to where she was at (I think in capitol hill?) and went back and stayed with her, and it was really wonderful. A couple months later it was christmas, and aja set her graham cracker bridge on fire, and the next thing I knew we were boyfriend-girlfriend, and fastforward 10 more months here we are, 6 weeks and 4 days pregnant.

This is all very very exciting, and while I am on memory lane, I just have one more random thing to share, largely on my mind because I've been working on the same software today. I remember one time several months before that (yes, our history is a bit complicated) when I had my head on Tai's lap and was laying on the couch and had spent several hours trying to get this google spreadsheet code to work, and I think she was reaching the point of assuming I could never actually get it to work, and suddenly I ran my program and we were sitting there watching google docs and you could see the numbers populating into each cell, dropped in by my program instead of the user. In that moment a big smile opened up on Tai's face, pleased that I had accomplished what almost looked like magic, and I just had this strong feeling of accomplishment and pride in front of her and felt really supported by her, and I can't wait for a lifetime of that feeling.

Day 15 - Probing

This morning was my first appointment with the nurse where she told me exactly what to do and when to do it, followed by a flu shot, 10 vials of blood being drawn, peeing (again) in a cup, and finally cancelling my Nov OB/Gyn appointment and getting to see a midwife after all of the tests.

The most exciting parts of my day: eating rice pudding and having a vaginal ultrasound and getting to see our baby (not at the same time, unfortunately).

Here he/she is:

Aja said it looks like a gummy bear.

The midwife said she could see its heartbeat (a light flutter on the screen) and John said "I can't see anything". It turns out I am 6 weeks 4 days, which makes my official due date June 18th 2010.

It was also not a big deal at all to get a pap smear/ probed. This was my first gynocologist appointment EVER (I know that's awful) and since the second appointment for 11:30 was made at 10:30, I didn't have any time to mull over the joys of vaginal exams and it wasn't a big deal at all.

My least favorite moment of today: Aja farting right next to me after I ate a cupcake and feeling an incredible urge to vomit all over the world.

That's it for now. Also I'm not feeling nauseous and I got antibiotics for UTI! VICTORY!

blog

I'm supposed to pick up Tai in 20 minutes so that sets a firm timeline for writing this, which is good.

It's been difficult for me to figure out how I'm supposed to write on this blog -- is it supposed to be about baby related stuff, is it supposed to be about how life has changed now that I know we're going to be parents, is it just supposed to be stream of consciousness and we can look back at this one day and be like "that's what we were like while you were in the womb."

I went with my parents to the flight museum on Saturday and there were 3 distinct lines of thought that came to me that seem worthy of writing about. The first thing that came to my mind was just that you can do so many more things when you know that they are actually possible. After I had thought about this for a while, I realized it didn't have anything to do with having a baby, and then my mind started trying to project it onto the parenting experience, then I thought "ok, I'm just being completely artificial. I already knew what I wanted to say, but if I'm going to blog about it, it should be about the baby, so I decided to make it about the baby." But really it was just a thought. So I'll just say a couple more things about it to elucidate what I was thinking about, and then not come back to it. Basically, (we were at the flight museum), there was a rapid burst of innovation in the field of building airplanes around 1910-1915. That makes you think "well if you can do all that in 5 years -- how come nothing happened in all the years that came before". Well, in short the answer is that people had to fight doubt, or for that matter doubters who would laugh at the guy building his "flying machine". Once the world knew a flying machine existed, it wasn't so crazy to be someone working on making ANOTHER flying machine. Because you knew failure was not inevitable.

Obviously that can be applied to parenting, but if I do it, it's completely an artificial effort. So I'll move on for now.

The third thing I thought about (skipping the second) was how my dad remarked "hey that keyboard has a built in credit card swiper". I thought that was just about the stupidest thing possible. Why would you like a keyboard more because it had a credit card swiper? In general what's the benefit of attaching a coffee grinder to an alarm clock, etc etc. Then I realized they already made fun of this on the PC vs Mac commercials (think John Hodgman with a web cam taped to his head). Moving on.

The second thought was the one thing that was actually relevant to this blog. (yikes, 14 minutes) I realized that it will be a very, very very long time before this child has the ability to look at me and Tai from an external perspective. Everything that we do, is going to be "the way things are" in this child's mind, probably up into high school if not college. That is just a really weird thought to me. At first I thought, "this is what the baby will think forever". Then I realized that I look at my parents and I definitely understand intuitively that this is NOT just "the way things are". It's the way they are, based on their life experiences and upbringing. Eventually, our baby will realize that about us. But it's just amazing to me to think that all of my eccentricities are just going to be something that the baby takes for granted probably up until like 2030.

Wow.

Day 14- Barely Day 14

I'm laying awake in bed at 4:18am with Urinary tract issues and nausea.

Toodles!

Day 12- Enter the Grossness

I'd like to keep this brief. Right now I have a urinary tract infection. I'm sure I don't have to write anything more on this topic to convey the pain, frustration and hate for the toilet that I'm experiencing.

This morning I had a fundraising training to coordinate downtown. I woke up feeling completely dissatisfied with my night of sleep. Thursday night I fell asleep at 9:30pm and woke up at 9:30am and felt fantastic, but yesterday I was yawning through the end stretch of our evening with John's mom & dad. By midnight, I was in shock that I was still standing- I thought "man, I'm going to get some great sleep." No, not the case. Every single hour I was waking up, not out of pain or need to pee- just waking up as if I was disturbed by some light sounds. When I woke up, I got ready, popped a vitamin and headed over with John to his apartment to get the bagged lunches stowed in his fridge. I was feeling hungry and knew I should eat something, so I started to pour myself a bowl of honey bunches of oats when a bubble of vomit shot up my throat out of nowhere, and I had the clear thought: I'm going to throw up- DAMNIT! So I quickly abandoned the cereal approach and popped some saltines (advice from momma) and felt a little bit better.

The feeling eventually subsided and I was able to operate normally through the rest of my morning until I came home and developed this UTI.


So there, I've had my complaining session. Now let me talk about happier things. Last night I met John's parents and I really like them! John hasn't done a great job of describing them to me, so I was really anxious to encounter their personalities. I always love meeting parents and siblings of people I know to see all of the personality and physical connections, but this is even better because I get to see a wider scope of how John came to be and how our baby may be influenced.

Debbie and Dave seem to really compliment each other as a couple in a similar way that I think John and I match and it makes me smile. I'm glad that they will be my child's grandparents and I can't wait for the day that we can all converge as a big family. I know my mom and Debbie would get along and it seems like Dave would get along with everyone just like my dad, as long as they aren't a Yankees fan.

So right now, I've went ahead and believed the internet advice and taken Azo to help relieve the UTI pain and I'm going to get back to work. I keep thinking about that near V8 vomit incident this morning and I'm very concerned I'll be riding on a bus in Morocco throwing up into my sweater (mom :) ).

front burner

This morning so far has been perfectly illustrative of what is going to be one of the major challenges, if not THE major challenge, of child rearing.

The major question, which I'm sure everyone encounters in everything that they ever do, is "what goes on the front burner?"

That's not very profound, but there is plenty to say about it. Tai wanted me to go to the gym with her about an hour ago, and I was in the process of responding to an email about someone who was very upset because they are part of a project that has gone almost completely neglected for the past 2 weeks. This in and of itself is not a major concern of mine, as that person doesn't have anything in writing that says they have a right to be assigned new work on the project, nor that they should be paid on a regular basis, and for that matter they have already been overpaid in the past for work they never got done. So I wasn't worried about that person's concerns, but it was something I had to address because this thing I'd left on the backburner had just boiled over.

So Tai wanted me to go to the gym. "Well, I can't go to the gym -- I have to do this." Well you didn't plan ahead. You shouldn't have started that thing before you finished the other thing.

You shouldn't have started that before you finished everything else. Now THAT ... that is a statement that leads me to what I consider profound thought. Should we have finished everything else before we decided to have a baby? Maybe, maybe not. It certainly would make things simpler if you could just push a button and decide when you're going to have a baby. I guess these days, you probably can, what with implanting embryos and whatnot, but let's be old fashioned and say that you can't control when you're going to have a baby. Then your choices are either (1) make a list of everything you want to do. do everything on that list, hope that nothing new will ever come up to be added to the list, then have a baby or (2) live your life, and let a baby happen.

Now the first option is something that I think a lot of people try. I mean certainly they put off having a baby until after high school (there are laws designed to help with that). A lot of people try to put off having a baby until after they have completed college (we both did, I don't think our parents really did -- my mom had me in her first year of medical school). And then there's the people that want to say "ok, I need to get into a career, get really far in that career, travel to every corner of the world, reach the top of the world, and then maybe I'll have a baby". A lot of my friends are still in this group. I think Tai wanted in large part to be part of this group. I arguably was part of it, got as far as I did in a career before I felt like it was pointless and making more money wouldn't be interesting, I'd spend that money and do the travelling that I felt like, but the only thing that would motivate me towards having a career again like that one I had had would be if I was married and/or had a baby that I had to take care of. That was four and a half years ago.

So anyways, you've got these people who wait into their mid-30s and maybe they make it in business, maybe they don't. Maybe they become executive directors of their non profits and realize their greatest ambitions leading delegations and whatnot. Then all of a sudden they're like "aww crap, I have 5 years to have a baby now before my eggs go bad." And then maybe they're with a guy who can't produce, but they don't find that out for a year. I dunno -- this happened at the beginning of Idiocracy, with the guy from Lost who punched Juliet. So I mean, that would be a major concern of mine. That would be putting the baby thing on the back burner and keeping everything else on the front burner, and then one day finding out that it's too late to have a baby, that train left the station.

So to make it perfectly clear to the world, I'm COMPLETELY happy that Tai and I are going to have this baby now. Things could have been done a different way, other decisions could have been made that would be deemed "responsible", and maybe I could have been 33 years old before the time would have actually come to find out whether or not I was capable of having a baby. If I had gotten into my mid-30s and found out that the process of conceiving a baby was not going to be as simple as I'd hoped, I would have considered that to a major, major personal failure and ultimately the least responsible lack of planning I would have ever imagined.

So then in the meantime, we have the pregnancy on the front burner. Well, we have to pay for everything. So where does that fit in. Does work go on the front burner? Does reading baby books go on the front burner? Does going to the gym to ensure the baby's health (and our long lives) go on the front burner?

The gym is a perfect example of what I really wanted to write about when I thought of this blog entry. On any given day, there is arguably something you have to do that is more important than going to the gym. On any given day, the gym should NOT be on the front burner, unless you are going to be starring in the movie 300. But if you never squeeze it in -- if you never take an unfinished project OFF the front burner for that hour so that you can go to the gym -- then you will never go to the gym and you'll get out of breath climbing the stairs, and you'll be too tired to play with the kids and they won't love you, and blah blah blah. Ok, hopefully the kids will love you even without the gym, but the point is that it's never possible to finish everything before you start something new, and it's really really hard to figure out what is really supposed to be on the front burner at any given time. Arguably, I shouldn't be writing this blog right now, but then again Tai REALLY REALLY wanted me to be writing on the blog this morning -- it was definitely FRONT BURNER as far as she was concerned at the time -- and if I never wrote on the blog then 9 months later, there wouldn't be any entries from me on the blog.

So it's a challenge.

breaking the ice

so this isn't going to be the ideal inaugural post from me on this blog. Tai had it up for 7 or 8 days and finally made me an admin on it wednesday, I think. I started writing like a 3000 word post that night and for whatever reason it got sidetracked ( most of my endeavors get side tracked because Tai will look over at me while she's doing work and seconds later I'll be on the receiving end of a Superfly Splash http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=XSi0vwe4pqk ) .... anyways shortly after that my computer crashed and it got derailed and it's hard to just pick up where you left off when you're talking about your feelings in an 8 page manifesto.

Now Tai is on a mission to get me to post something this morning. She just came out of the bathroom saying POOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOST across the apartment. "You didn't post yeeeet, I can't reeead it". Ahhhh I love my girlfriend.

Day 10 Part 2- I love John Clyde

About 10 minutes ago, John got up out of his seat and stood 4 feet in front of me (laying on the couch) and started narrating the first 2 Star Wars movies that we JUST WATCHED which he is convinced I didn't digest upon viewing. He is using a lot of gestures and sound effects even though I've haven't been looking at him since he started the narration. I love him tremendously.

Day 10 - Waffles

All I want to eat are waffles. Not owning a toaster at either house hasn't stopped me either.

So yesterday and today have been some big "reveal" days. My dad finally came back from MA and our conversation went something like this:

"Hi Dad"
"Hi hunny"
talk talk talk talk
"I have something to tell you"
"Ok.."
"You are going to be a grandfather!"
"................................
.........................well, that's a way to put it"

After he reassured me that he was happy with the news he passed the phone back to mom. During the phone transfer I heard my mom say, "Richie, take 2 deep breaths."

I should also mention that I spent the whole day in John's sweatpants and my City Year zip up and it felt like being cocooned in a ball of cotton all day. I can't remember the last time I wore sweatpants although I've probably forced myself to forget since I'm sure they were way too short/tight on me and the memory is too embarassing for storage.

I spent most of the day doing work and/or watching Arrested Development on DVD and made a point to send this blog's link to a few people including Alie. Alie doesn't have a functioning laptop right now, so she frequently uses other housemates technology. John and I were doing work in my room when Katie walked into the room with a very unique look on her face.

"ARE YOU???"
"what?"
"ARE YOUUUU???"
"yeah!"

Apparently Alie, the great secret keeper she is, left the window open on Katie's laptop.

After the commotion I realized it was about time I told the rest of my housemates what was going on. I went into the living room, interupted Glee (the TV show, not a general emotion of glee) and broke the news to Ronda, Jen & Brandon - as I suspected, Brandon knew already because I am a loud mouth and he could hear me through the wall when I called Group Health to set some appointments.

I woke up this morning quite early for an appointment downtown and felt kind of sick as I headed to the bus. Came home with more stuff than I left with including a 24 pack of waffles.

John is sitting across from me as we watch Star Wars, sorting through piles of paper and mementos from the last decade or more. I'm really not sure if he is sorting things or looking at them.

I've eaten a half a bag of grapes. I'll be paying for this all night and John will be an innocent bystander.

Day 8 - Overwhelmed but under control

Today, and yesterday, I've been feeling overwhelmed and finding it very hard to concentrate (compounding the stress). Work, school, volunteering, life and now a 2nd life inside are making me feel like I need to slash some corners, relax, focus on myself, all that crap.

The main problem is that this is not really feasible at this point with the Center. I'm pulled in so many directions all the time with no one else to fall back on. I'm sure that an inability, or rather inexperience with delegating tasks is to blame as I usually feel personally responsible for every single project discussed.

I tabled at the Seattle University Non-profit Career fair today with 3 internship positions at the Center. What a joy it would be to have 3 warm bodies to pass work to without a feeling of guilt or inadequacy (as I feel towards asking Board members for assistance).

I also have class tonight and after an existential crisis over whether or not I can really handle this right now and consequently finding out that I would NOT receive any kind of partial refund for the class, I have decided to stick with the commitment and finish out the Certificate in Nonprofit Management. Class is tonight (god, it is 1 hour away) and I was actually successful in completing the homework. A small miracle, really.

Body news- I feel fine. I mean I feel more than fine. I hope that's alright; I'm certainly not stressing about it. Today marks week 6 which is exciting. According to babycenter.com, The nose, mouth, and ears that you'll spend so much time kissing in eight months are beginning to take shape. If you could see into your uterus, you'd find an oversize head and dark spots where your baby's eyes and nostrils are starting to form. His emerging ears are marked by small depressions on the sides of the head, and his arms and legs by protruding buds. His heart is beating about 100 to 160 times a minute -- almost twice as fast as yours -- and blood is beginning to course through his body. His intestines are developing, and the bud of tissue that will give rise to his lungs has appeared. His pituitary gland is forming, as are the rest of his brain, muscles, and bones. Right now, your baby is a quarter of an inch long, about the size of a lentil bean.

It is time for me to shovel some soybean succotash and fish sticks into my piehole then run, or rather sluggishly saunter over to class.

Day Four - Day of I Think I'm Hungry?

After a pretty epic journey, we're finally cozied up in Vancouver BC at the Sandman Hotel. Last night we each had our own share of work that was overdue and ended up staying awake nearly the entire night until we rushed out the door for the bus to the airport at 5am. The first bus was freezing and the second bus STUNK. John fell asleep almost immediately. When we disembarked from the bus he dropped his duffel bag and didn't even notice. I was behind him and just sort of stared at the bag in the aisle, growing concerned with our competence for traveling this early in the morning.

We got to the airport way too early and had to walk, no exaggeration, about 3 miles total to get to the gate + Air Canada blows. When we were waiting for the elevator I was actually envisioning the scene of me throwing up into my nalgene water bottle.

I got myself to the bathroom and on the way back saw exactly what I wanted for breakfast and John dutifully got it for me. It's pretty awesome being able to identify exactly what you want to eat. The only issue is that sometimes I'll be looking at the object of my desire and I have this really blase feeling about eating it. I'm not sure if this topics begs much more discussion except that it's very confusing.

So when we arrived at the Vancouver airport, I was very impressed by the look of it and nauseated by the smell of butt which seemed to emanate from the northwest corner. I guess it's no surprise that we were hanging out there because I had to pee, AGAIN. We hopped on the train and eventually checked in at the hotel.

We fell asleep soon after and woke up starving, ordered something similar to what we had seen on a commercial moments before and when the delivery guy, like a prophet, came bearing our dinner, I had this cat sense that I wasn't going to dig the shrimp salad that looked so good in the commercial. This particular salad was bathed in Parmesan cheese which was just ethically wrong.

Once the food is digested, we're going to go swimming in the pool/whirlpool.

Bodywise, most of yesterday and today I haven't thought as much about being pregnant. My stomach has moments of severe cramping but for the most part I'm fine. I'm sure it could and perhaps will be worse. I found myself thinking today, how I wouldn't want this to be any other way than it is. Maybe this is the first onset of a maternal instinct; within 4 days I've gone from a high level of uncertainty to so much growing excitement and comfort. I'd hate, and I mean I'd really hate to sound like a typical pregnant lady (see: http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=tJRzBpFjJS8 ) but I'm so glad this is happening, how enriching it is (the change of perspective most of all) that I can't imagine it not happening.


Tomorrow evening we'll be going the Louis CK show that brought us to Vancouver. Everything deserves a smile, and I sure have one on right now.

Day Two- Day of Wow, I'm pregnant

Is it possible to maintain focus on things other than the tadpole within on the 2nd day knowing you are pregnant. I doubt it.

Conference calls and urgent work seemed much less important than confirming the cramps and fullness I'm feeling are perfectly normal.

I called Group Health to get the prenatal exam ball rolling and they told me the first step is to go to the lab and have an official test done. So after John and I ate Greek food (my absolute FAVORITE lentil soup) we went down to Capitol Hill to the GroupHealth lab. My urine has been in great demand these past 2 days.

Finally, after I didn't follow some of the technician's directions, she handed us a piece of paper:

So... there it is, in writing!


What's going on with my body? Still cramping and very bloated, peeing a lot and gassy. Very glamorous. I fall asleep almost instantly which I enjoy wholeheartedly. I've been having crazy dreams for awhile now. Last night I dreamt that my mom hurt herself and I was so upset I woke up and was conscious to how uncomfortable my body felt- SO BLOATED. John woke up and did his half-awake goofy smile that always makes me think he is waking up for real, and then started snoring again. I eventually fell back asleep and proceeded to concoct even more bizarre dreams.

Day One- Holy shit

When I woke up, I was feeling pretty crumby, cramps, fatigue and slight nausea. These are all symptoms of a normal menstrual cycle for me. I had been waiting a few days for the symptoms to amount to something and hadn't thought much of it.



I woke up VERY hungry so John walked down to Safeway to get breakfast and a home pregnancy test. Before he left I said, "I'm almost certain this is just my period, so I'm not going to think otherwise until we take the test." When he came back he unloaded everything but the test from the bags first, oblivious to me waiting anxiously. I went into the bathroom and peed away (I'd been holding for quite a while) and watched as 1 line appeared and soon after a 2nd line. My eyes must've been bulging, that moment when I realized everything had changed; a baby was already growing inside me.

I came back into my bedroom and handed John the stick. A huge grin spread over his face and he started laughing- "You're pregnant?? You're pregnant!!" What a moment! I was filled with uncertainty and John was filled with elation. We layed down and he reassured me. Just weeks earlier we had talked about having a baby- John was for it and I was against it- namely because I am in a job that I actually enjoy and I didn't want to give that up. Of course, this was paired with the other obvious factors such as resistance to the lifestyle change and not wanting to abandon any goals or dreams. The flurry of emotion was back in my foreground again with much more reality tacked onto it.



I kept thinking, "This is going to change everything." I will have to move, make arrangements at work, tell everyone and deal with conflicting opinions (which on this day, I was very suseptible to), and prepare for life with a third person.



"What are we going to do?" I asked (incredibly cliche in retrospect)
"Love each other, get ready financially, read a lot and have a baby."



We went to the bookstore and stocked up on books (we were the nervous/curious couple looking at all the books in the pregnancy section). Most endearing moment was John choosing a "Father-to-be" book, spotting another one and opting for both. Next stop was Target for prenatal vitamins and a stroll down the baby aisles which was overwhelming to say the least.



On the way home after a meal, I got a call back from Mom. My stomach was definitely churning thinking about the best way to tell her. After a 15 minute typical update discussion mostly about Dad's recent trip to Seattle and her upcoming jaunt to Atlantic City, I could tell she was ready to end the conversation.




"Wait Mom, I have something to tell you"
"......... What?"
"................ Well,.."
"Tell me what letter it starts with"
"P"
"........ IS THE SECOND LETTER 'R'?"
"Yes!"
"What is it!?!"
"You know what it is!"
"you're pregnant?"
"Yes!"
"Oh my God. I HAD A FEELING TAI!"



Pretty much right after this, she wanted to get off the phone to digest the information. I felt a lot better having told her. Next up, telling Dad and Tim. I'll need some time to regain my wits.

Once we arrived home, I continued to read, online and in the recently purchased books. According to the Due Date Calculator, although totally unofficial, my due date is on or around June 15, 2010. This means I am in the 5th week of pregnancy which you can read about here: http://www.babycenter.com/6_your-pregnancy-5-weeks_1094.bc

The night ended peacefully. The phrase of the day was surely, "I can't believe we're going to have a baby!"

"What happened today?"
"Uhhh, the poppy seed grew into a mango seed"